So, through a very strange and drawn out string of events, tonight, well this afternoon, I had a date with one of Charlie's friends. Granted I am good friends with him also. He is a great guy. But we are diffidently just friends. We talk about stuff and he is super interested in this girl, they are super cute together! So 'Charlie's other friend, hasn't noticed that the first friend is into this girl and asked her on a date and wanted Charlie and friend #1 to double with him. So that's kinda how it happened. He knew he could ask me and not run a risk of leading me on.
So we went to castles and coasters and that was fun. As the day/night went on I realized that I still have feelings for 'Charlie' (dang it) I'm trying to let go, but every time I see him, I just am overwhelmed with a sense of caring and love for him. Seeing him on a date with a different girl was interesting. At first I was like "oh yeah, he'll be here with some other girl" then when they started talking and I had to remind myself that he was not my date.... I wanted to hold his hand, and talk with him and share my thoughts and feelings. So throughout the whole, about ten hour date.... my heart was being wrenched out and twisted, and pinched, and poked, and squeezed, and a whole lot more uncomfortable things.
I knew that, even though my date was wonderfully courteous and nice throughout the date, he would have rather been with our friends date. I knew that I couldn't be Charlies date, nor could I ever again be. And I felt like I was just an extra wheel, an observer, I felt like i didn't belong. And let it go on the record I did have a fun time. It was fun. But my heart was heavy and I wanted to cry. I needed someone who really cares about me, to give me a hug, to squeeze my hand when i'm least expecting it.
I needed a MAN! :)
I love hanging out with my boys (Charlie and his two friends). But it's getting to be too unbearable. Last Saturday, we were watching Avatar at my house and Charlies friend and his girl, were sitting across the room. And even though they were kinda trying to hide it i could tell they were holding hands. It was cute, but I almost started crying because guess who I was sitting next to? Yup, Charlie. I had to tell myself for two hours to get over him and let him go. He will never care about me the way I care about him. He will never be mine and I need to accept that fact. I feel like I need a good rebound for a relationship that i wasn't in..... My heart was in it and that's counts. right?
later for now,
Accommodating Artist
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